While appearing on Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table Talk interview series Kid Cudi opened up about his mental health.

The Kids See Ghosts rapper discussed how it all began and what he felt like when he was seen as one of the most influential artists of this generation.

“That’s where most of the bad stuff came in, because I have to live up to being this person and I don’t feel like that,” he saud. “It’s like doing a comedy but you’re miserable. It’s like my life was this show and I was always supposed to be on, but when the show was over I was completely miserable for a long time. I was not happy when I woke up in the morning, it started off with something as simple as that. Just being like ‘Why don’t I feel OK?’ and not really knowing what that was.”

Cudi also mentioned how he worked with the trauma of his father’s death when he was 11, his cousin and uncle.

Watch Kid Cudi’s full Red Table Talk interview below.