British actor Idris Elba opens up with GQ magazine about some of real-life hurdles he’s overcome behind the scenes of his captivating roles. In the October issue, the Luther star speaks on discovering that he wasn’t the biological father of then girlfriend Desiree Newberry’s son. It was like a “punch in the face,” he recalls.

“The celebration of having a son from a man’s perspective, it’s massive,” he told the publication. “To be given that and then have it taken away so harshly, was like taking a full-on punch in the face: POW.”

He adds: “It wasn’t immediately obvious, well, it was, because he didn’t look like me. But it wasn’t immediately obvious what had gone down.”

In hindsight, Elba felt that maybe it was karma for all his sins committed earlier in his life. “I’ve not been an angel in my life, either, do you know what I’m saying? So to a certain extent, what goes around comes around. But for me in the future, I’m about being comfortable. That’s it.”

The magazine is on newsstands now.